He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
