I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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