fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
