so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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