She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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