i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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