You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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