Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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