I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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