My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
