Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
