Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
