Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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