We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When did angry sex become our thing?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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