Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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