I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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