you win again, gameday.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
