Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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