Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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