That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
