I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
As shirtless as possible
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
