Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
