Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
