There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
