You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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