I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
