wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize