What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
