Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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