Your tits are I can't wait for
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
