Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
