remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize