Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
