yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
