have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize