Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
