and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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