we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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