I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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