I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
