do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
