she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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