I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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