he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
