i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
