so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How does one acquire holy water?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
