I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Please don't give away my fajitas
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
