I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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