She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
