This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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