sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
