I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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