Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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