ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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