you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
