I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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