Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
