He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
