you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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