Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
