At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
