I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
