Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
