we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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