how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
