Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
