Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
