One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
