Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
