is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
