Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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