She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
